Just For Fun

A former seminary student of mine posted this on facebook and it is hilarious! We want to hear from all of you.

Google your first name and the word "needs" (Laura needs) and send us your first 7 results. I'll get us started.

1. Laura needs 25 cents and 2 fingers.
2. Laura needs some post toddler love.
3. Laura needs to hear from other teachers.
4. Laura needs a professional profile.
5. Laura needs her meds changed.
6. Laura needs a sofa.
7. Laura needs a tech makeover.

1. Harvey needs a donor liver.
2. Harvey needs an intervention.
3. Harvey needs friends.
4. Harvey needs 40 holes.
5. Harvey needs a loving home.
6. Harvey needs lots of walks and games in the park.
7. Harvey needs Batman's help.

1. John needs a hug.
2. John needs 13 bottles of water from the water store.
3. John needs charisma.
4. John needs a plumber.
5. John needs to embrace family values.
6. John needs our prayers.
7. John needs Joe, now more than ever.

Things That It Took Me Over 30 Years To Learn

I saw this on a joke site. Thought I'd share. Anyone else have something to add?

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

5. You should not confuse your career with your life.

6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

7. Never lick a steak knife.

8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby.

11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

14. Your friends love you anyway.

15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

16. Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.